The Valley

Two months is a long time and it's been a busy, crazy journey. Most importantly my beautiful sister got married! I'm so so happy for her and her new husband, my new brother-in-law! There were a couple bumps in the wedding day but really, it was wonderful. Everyone had such a great time and seemed so happy.

The past couple months for me have been sort of up and down. Lately, very much down. The few days around the wedding were very high energy, keeping me on alert. When the wedding was over I pretty much crashed. Doug says it makes sense because I spent X number of days high high high and then X+ number of days low low low. It was a pretty rough period of time that included extensive symptom use, a terrible trip to the doctor for a change in my medication and a suggestion of IOP - the Intensive Outpatient Program at the Emily Program.

IOP is used to interrupt symptom use, regulate emotions by learning different coping skills, and gain a more normalized routine with food. I am not opposed to this program but the time commitment is overwhelming to me - 9 hours per week on top of my regular appointment with Doug. Thankfully I'm on an upswing now. I'm not really sure what did the interrupting, perhaps an increase in my meds. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

It's a moment to moment struggle right now. I'm not really sure what's getting me through but baby steps seem to be helping. I'm trying not to get down about the weight I've gained, how much I can't stand how my body looks and how angry I am with myself for allowing myself to slip. Right now is not a good time to be thinking of such things so I'm trying to keep the negative thoughts away until I can deal with them without getting attached to them.

It's time for me to start preparing myself some dinner now. It's important to eat before I get too hungry because that could very easily lead to a binge right now. I've been doing better the past few days and am glad I feel the desire to keep it up.