Back to work

I'm going into work tomorrow morning so I won't have time to post. I'm leaving for Florida on Friday so I need to get a jump on my week and get caught up on some work. I don't mind too much. It's sort of nice being at work when no one else is.

I had group and individual therapy this week. Back to normal until next week of course when I'm out of town. My New Years had its ups and downs. I had a fantastic time hanging out with a friend of mine New Years Eve. It was an early night for us so I had thought I'd stop by my sister's afterwards. As soon as I got in my car, Ed showed up. I wasn't prepared for his arrival and since I had some drinks my guard was down and I let him stay in the car with me on my way home.

I knew I could call my friend and suggest staying out a little longer, I knew I could hang out with my sister. Instead I chose Ed and isolation. Which is pretty ironic since part of the problem here is loneliness. My binge wasn't monumental but the sole purpose of eating was emotional. I managed to stop myself before it got too out of hand so I need to give myself credit for that.

All in all I handled the situation pretty well. I got right back on track the next morning although I was swinging a bit toward diet mentality (time on the treadmill wasn't long enough, should skip snack or dinner). I had an appointment with my dietitian, Amy. She suggests I need to remain neutral in my thinking around the diet mentality. I've lost some weight which of course makes me very happy. However, I can be a bit obsessive about not gaining any back which contributes to that diet mentality above. Amy also suggests having more patience with myself, take some pressure off. This equates to staying in the moment. Something I know I need to do but apparently I need to constantly remind myself of that skill.

I talked to Doug about developing my intuition which I believe will help with some self trust. I am to try and notice what my intuition tells me to do on a small scale, listen to it and follow it. For example, for some reason I feel the need to take a different way home from work...listen to that and try it. The past couple days I've just been trying to remember to check in with my intuition.

Along with this, I've started working on discovering who I am. There are currently two parts to this. First I am reassessing my values assignment I had a few months ago. Taking each value area listed and spending some time with each one, figuring out what I truly believe from deep down in my heart. The one I'm going to work on this week is Friendship/Social Relations. The other part to this is learning to accept my reality. I spend so much time and energy hating things about myself, believe that nothing is ever good enough. However, in order to heal and move forward I need to accept "what is". It's very difficult to move forward when you're spending so much energy pulling yourself down. This is going to be a difficult one for me, like I said, nothing is rarely ever good enough.

A lot of hard stuff to work on but I feel like this is a good path right now. It feels as if I'm using my wise mind more often which makes my heart happy. I was reading some journal entries from this summer. Wow...I have definitely made some great progress. I am very thankful for that and to all of those who are helping me heal. There are definitely good things ahead for me this year.