This week has been pretty good so far. Last week I mentioned I had felt like I may had overeaten a bit, chalking it up to eating out so much. I talked to Amy about this, I may have overeaten a little bit but she was said I made some good decisions around the food in those situations (ie. didn't eat the popcorn at the movie because I was still full from dinner). In speaking with Amy further we (I) realized that there had been some emotional eating last week. She noticed a pattern on my meal plan on the days my grains and proteins were a little bit higher, my fruits and veggies were nearly non-existent. Those happened to be the days I was really sad and emotional last weekend. So this week I am supposed to try and keep the veggies/fruits in check.
Last week I also had the feeling that it was too good to be true that my symptom use had subsided for so long. This week in speaking with Doug, I talked to him about the fact that I've noticed my spending increasing. I think he called this replacement - using over-spending (or any other overused activity - sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) instead of food. He said this is very common in treatment. We're going to keep an eye on this by paying more attention to my spending habits and asking myself why am I shopping, or why do I feel the need to buy something "right now". I am to also notice when I am watching my spending - keeping it in check, do I notice the urges to binge (eat) get stronger. He said over-spending is similar to an eating disorder in the way that if you restrict your spending, you'll end up setting yourself up for a shopping binge. Not like an eating disorder is complicated enough, now I have to keep an eye on this crap. I suppose it's one in the same though.
It's sort of bittersweet, the reduced symptom use. On one hand it's great that I haven't binged for a while now but on the other hand, using over-spending to manage just means that I haven't actually learned how to manage as well as I thought perhaps I had. As Doug would say, this is just more information about my eating disorder - so don't get down on myself up about it.
Speaking of that, this week's assignment is to continue trying to notice when I beat myself up and to challenge it with compassion or dispute. I am journaling these instances to discuss in therapy. He said that the self deprecation is something that we need to continue to work on. I understood from him that this is a big contributor to my disorder.
After group therapy this week I went out to dinner with a couple of the ladies from group. I thought it was sorta strange that a group of people with eating disorders would choose to dine together but it wasn't as weird as I thought it would be. I had a good time, lots of laughing and getting to know each other. They are very kind and compassionate women who understand what's going on inside my head. We're going out to dinner again this week - they do it weekly as often as possible. They have initiated me to pick the restaurant.
I'm heading to Kansas City Friday to visit my friends and see Wilco for the THIRD time this fall. I'm super excited. It could be challenging keeping up on my food record while I'm there but I did tell Serra about things so hopefully I'll feel comfortable enough to take the time to journal and record as necessary. I usually spend a little time each night before bed going over the day, journaling and attending to my "homework". I feel more grounded when I make time to do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment