lightening up

Ah, another Sunday morning at the coffee shop. I'm getting to really like this routine. Bummer though, I agreed to pick up a few hours at CBB today so I have to be there soon. It's been a whirlwind week this week. I had FIVE glorious days off of work - well four actually since I worked at CBB Saturday. I had so much fun in Duluth at the Wilco show. God, I love those boys!! Lucky for me I'll be seeing them two more times next month. Tonight though my sisters and I are going to Myth to see The Flaming Lips. The best part of it all...we've got some "connections" and we're VIP tonight...we're such rock stars! I'm so excited to hang out there, I've seen it empty but it will be a whole new experience to see it full of people and music. I must plug my pops for doing such a nice job building the place!

So this week was truly a vacation week. My therapist was off this week so no group therapy or individual session. I did meet with my dietitian though. I had a good week so we're going to keep with the status quo. She weighs me every other week. I DO NOT see the numbers on the scale. She keeps this information to herself. Down the road maybe I'll want to know the number, or I should say, be able to handle the number, but right now there is such a great risk of that dumbass number to really mess me up that it's better left alone. She said if I ever want to know the number we'll be having a conversation about why before she hands that info over. But! She said my weight is consistently going down so that is a good thing (duh, happy happy joy joy - in my head!) because that means my symptom use has decreased. She says my weight is a symptom of my disorder, an indicator of how I'm doing.

While waiting for my appointment with Amy, one of my group members was waiting too. She said they often go out to dinner after group and that I'm welcome to join them. That made me feel good, welcomed. I can't go this coming week but perhaps the following week I'll join them. We obviously already have so much in common. I think it will be good for me, I think my therapist would give me kudos too for steppin' out.

Speaking of steppin' out. I signed up for a pottery class today. I've always wanted to take pottery and often wished I'd taken it in high school instead of the drawing classes I took. Originally one of my sisters and I were going to take the pottery class together but class on the night she's available is full. I struggled a little with signing up by myself. I noticed that I really want to take the class but I was holding myself back, and for no good reason I could find. So this morning, I jumped into it. It will be Thursday nights (I'll have to record Grey's Anatomy!) this fall. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I need and want more creativity in my life. I'm anxious to see what will come of a new artistic outlet.

I do get nervous periodically that I'm getting too old for the things I want in life and that I've wasted the life I've already lived being trapped or sucked into this bitch of an eating disorder. I know, this moment, that I'm living RIGHT NOW - I need not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Right now, this minute I feel good - happy, I think or maybe it's the coffee :) hehehe.