Progress

I'm not really sure where to go with the blog this week. I'm enjoying my new Sunday ritual at the coffee shop with my computer. I so look forward to this every week. Last Sunday's Flaming Lips show at Myth was amazing! Seriously, the VIP room to see a show is THE way to go. My sisters and I had so much fun! If you ever have an opportunity to see a Flaming Lips show - you must go, it is truly an experience to be had (note the confetti in the photo)!

This week is still going pretty good. Still no symptom use - I think. I had a very large piece of carrot cake last night for desert. I was certainly full half way through it but ate the rest of it anyway - even though it was making me sort of sick. I will talk about that with Amy on Thursday. I'd say for a "normal" person, that wouldn't be any big deal, they would have just "eaten too much" but for me it could certainly be an indicator that I was trying to numb myself for some reason.

I've been very busy the last couple weeks and I think that has attributed to my "good behavior". Last night was the first night lately that I have had to do nothing. That may have played a part in the overeating. So today I am not to dwell on last nights slip, not beating myself up for eating too much. The theme of group and individual therapy this week is compassion. Here's an opportune place to use that. I will cut myself some slack for last night.

We're also getting into some pretty delicate territory on Thursdays. I have very poor body image - very poor. The self talk going on inside my head regarding the appearance of my body is really harsh. If I heard anyone saying the things in my head to another soul, I'd be furious with them but for some ridiculous reason, it's okay for me to talk to myself that way. Some day, I will not find that acceptable.

I was asked to try to catch the negative self talk and counter it with a positive comment about my body. That so far has proved too difficult as I can find so little to be positive about in that regard. So this week I'm working on catching the negatives when I can and countering it with "my body is useful" - I have legs for walking, a mouth for talking, arms for hugging. That is an easier step for me because it doesn't directly relate to the appearance of my body, but does give me something positive about it. This has been helping. The other day I stopped a negative thought, countered it with the useful body mantra and I could actually feel my disposition change. That was proof to me this is a very powerful practice.

Today is a beautiful day. It's sunny, the sky is blue, there's a cool breeze. I will keep today beautiful and find many pleasures throughout it. The pup and I are going to the dog park near the river later...should be a beautiful walk.