back from therapy

I've just returned from my first therapy session. As I've been through these before the first session is always a get-to-know-you sort of session, getting the basics of your history down. I was so nervous/anxious in anticipation of my appointment. I usually am when I don't know what to expect. My therapist, Karen, is a very nice woman and very kind.

I'm feeling sorta sad right now. We did touch on the loneliness and lack of relationships which is THE button to push to get the tears rolling so I think I'm more or less wasted from the whole deal. I feel like crawling in bed and taking a nap. Karen suggested a book to read called Feeding the Hungry Heart written by a local author. She also suggested Overeaters Anonymous which I was actually sort of afraid of. I was hoping that therapy and weight watchers would suffice but Karen said that OA has the best record as far as helping with weight loss and addressing emotional eating issues.

I have reservations about OA. It actually scares the pants off me. From what I understand of the program - the 12 step program, is that it is very intense. You must report each day to your sponsor what you are going to eat for the day and then if you change your mind you have to call them and tell them you are changing your mind. I change my mind all day long and don't really want to have to call someone every time I do. Also I think a big thing is that the whole spiritual/religious aspect of it bothers me. I guess I don't know too much about 12-step programs but it seems to me they rely a bit heavily on religion. I have some issues with religion - mainly that it seems most organized Christian religions seem judgmental and therefore hypocritical and who are they to judge?. I consider myself a spiritual person but I currently have reservations about organized religions. Perhaps I'm mistaken about the emphasis in religion in a 12-step program. I am going to need some time to become okay with this idea. I think it would be irresponsible of me to dismiss OA entirely without at least going once to a meeting. I will need to work up to that. My next therapist appointment is in three weeks (normally every two but she's just back from vacation), I guess if I am going to try at least one meeting, I'd like to have that accomplished prior to my next therapy session.

It seems too that committing to a program like OA would truly be admitting/accepting that I have an addiction to food. I know I do but I guess if my actions agree by participating in that program then there's no turning back. I suppose that should be a good thing but it's hard to let go of that comfort food affords me.

There is no easy road ahead. This hard work sucks and it's just getting started.