Gurus

Revelations and progress since last week's post. I had a dream last week the night before I had my melt down. It was a pretty amazing dream. It took place at the intersection of Highway 7 and Blake Road. There was a "guru" (a wise man of some sort) dressed in white. The guru gave me a cup/bowl to hold to help me receive this female energy. I did as the guru said and there was an intense rush of energy that manifested itself physically causing me to lose control of my body. It scared me but I tried it again and again and eventually I did not need to use the cup to receive the energy.

I shared the dream with Doug. He believes the intersection represents a crossroads for me. My feminine side (which has been pushed aside and generally ignored throughout my life) is currently in question so that made sense as the energy. Using help to receive the energy and then learning to do it on my own shows that I am capable of healing myself.

This dream combined with last week's events which Doug says were positive as I went out into the world and grabbed what I needed from it (acupuncture, yoga, socialization) is a sort of transformation. Last Friday night at acupuncture, my acupuncturist said that I should look at that break down as a transition. This is all aligned with what Doug pointed out last week. I've begun a new chapter, he even went as far as comparing this moment to the phoenix rising from the ashes, he said I am the Guru from my dream. I have everything I need inside of me. I feel a shift, I can sense the new chapter. It's a great feeling, empowering, but also a bit new and scary.

Along with that great positive energy, we're digging into some new super tough stuff. I am fairly certain I will be able to share this here at some point in time but I'm not sure when. It's deeply personal and I'm fairly scared to find out where this will take me. This new can of worms was opened on Thursday and has consumed my thoughts since then. I've been in information and fact gathering mode to try and sort things out in my head. I'm anxious to see Doug and discuss what I've been thinking about.

I know this is part of the new chapter. It's weird though, feeling a positive shift forward while at the same time experiencing such a range of really difficult emotions. I suppose that is progress. I am realizing that I have a lot to sort through, a lot of work ahead, probably much more than I realize.