update

So I was supposed to have my therapy appointment this morning but the clinic called yesterday and my therapist is ill. She's pretty hard to get appointments with so my rescheduled appointment is July 7th. I was totally okay with the cancellation. I was stressing out about leaving work this morning for my appointment and also I have felt like the last month or so was pretty uneventful.

So last night leaving work I was speaking with one of my CBB co-workers (J) about another one of our co-workers (E). I work with E on Saturdays. She has been absent a few Saturdays lately. If she can't find someone to work for her then my shift goes from a 9-2 shift to a 9-5 shift. Kind of annoying since I don't want to work past 2pm. That's besides the point. J and I were talking and J thinks that it might be hard for E to work with me since I've been losing weight. E is a plus-size girl like myself. We haven't really talked much about it but I do know that she's gone through a surgery that didn't work out well. I was sorta blown away by J's comment. I actually felt kinda pissed off. I am not going to feel bad about doing something healthy for myself. Ditching your shift affects all of us left behind - very frustrating.

I can totally understand feeling bad about yourself around people who are doing things that you wish you'd done or were doing. But to avoid work because of things like that just irritates me. I feel bad because I feel like I should be more compassionate but a long time ago when I was bringing my depression with me to work I was told to leave it at the door...work is work. I truly believe that. I know not everyone has the same work ethic and when you feel really bad you don't want to be around anyone. Also! I don't even know for sure if this is all true but I trust J and know that she wouldn't say things that weren't true.

I guess I was just sort of taken by surprise since that seems to be the first negative reaction to my self-improvement that I've noticed. I don't gloat or brag about my weight loss whatsoever. I don't bring it up unless someone asks which really doesn't happen all that often at work. I'm very proud of the progress I've made. Hopefully E could take a more positive message from this and make steps toward helping herself. It's hard to understand these days with all the "quick fixes" out there people are selling but you can only help yourself through hard work, others can't do anything for you but be there.

Thanks for being here for me!