Monday, March 13, 2006

virgin blogger

This is my very first blog and post ever! It was inevitable though, this blogging. I spend A LOT of time in front of the computer both home and work so it's a natural technological progression.

As I believe my reasons for blogging will change over time, the current issue that brings me here is my most recent journey into weight loss and self improvement. I recently turned 33 years old. I don't know if it was the birthday or the article I read about people with food addictions but whatever it was it started the ball rolling to a new journey in my life.

I think I have always known but only recently accepted the fact that I have an addiction to food. I am what is called a Compulsive Overeater, it's an eating disorder also called Binge Eating Disorder. Basically I use food as a drug to cope with the stresses of life. I eat when I'm not hungry and eat until I'm so full it's painful. I have thought many times over the years that I wished I had a real disease like alcoholism or bulimia. If I had one of those then I could get help because whatever it is that I'm going through can't possibly be a "real" problem. I had not put together the fact that I was turning to food for comfort and a companion. Eating had become an automatic mindless activity that I participated in everyday. Obviously we have to eat to nourish our body and mind but that was not the reason I ate.

So here I am wanting to share my journey of recovery in hopes that people will understand this addiction and also hopefully to give those close to me a window into my heart and soul. I have a lot of work ahead of me. This is a process that will take years. I can't think about that right now though. It's too overwhelming. I am just thinking about getting through today - healthily and waking up tomorrow with a positive mind knowing the day before was a good day.

My first step was to talk to my doctor. She's actually a nurse practitioner and she's great. Of course when you make a doctor's appointment they ask you for a reason why. I had a sinus infection at the time so that was my "main" reason for the visit but I also told them I wanted to discuss a potential eating disorder. Those words were really hard to say but once said you can't take them back so onward! Strangely there was no judgment on the part of the appointment taker. Logically I know there shouldn't be but when you're so self conscious and not used to being up front with your feelings you automatically assume that they're going to scoff or laugh at you or something. I'm pretty sure they'd get fired if they did something like that.

At my visit to my NP I found out my blood pressure is high. That was kinda scary because I don't think a 33 year old woman should have high blood pressure when she hasn't before. Her recommendations to me to get started on this recovery was to start seeing a counselor to find out why I turn to food the way I do and also to start a weight loss program. We had also discussed a nutritionist. She said that I could go see the nutritionist for the hypertension (high blood pressure) which insurance DOES cover and then also talk to her about the eating disorder (insurance doesn't cover that I guess).

That day I went home and made the appointment with the nutritionist and a therapist dealing with eating disorders. I got a nutritionist appointment a week later and the therapist a month later. The visit with the nutritionist was good. I think the biggest thing I got out of it was motivation to step forward with the weight loss program. Most of the nutritional food information I already knew as this is certainly not my first weight loss attempt. I started Weight Watchers the very next day.

This is the third time I've started WW. The first time was very successful as far as weightloss goes as I lost over 100 lbs. Of course I've gained all of that back because I haven't dealt with the reasons why I eat. I'm in the middle of my second week back on WW and am doing well with eating right and exercising. I lost 9lbs the first week and exercised 4 times! I hadn't jumped into the exercise in the past attempts so I'm proud I've integrated that so early.

I haven't had my first therapy session yet, it's scheduled for the first week in April. There is so much more I want to say but this is getting to be a novel. I better not go though without commenting on how I feel - as this is why I am where I am! Right now, this moment, I feel good. I feel like I'm making positive steps toward a healthy mind and body. I know that tomorrow may be a different day and I may feel depressed but right now I feel good and I'm going with that!

Thanks for reading and I hope that along with helping myself by sharing my thoughts and feelings I will also give some inspiration to others going through similar situations.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you Jessica - sharing how you feel is difficult and I hope you are able to identify those feelings and protect yourself as you grow through this life change. I beleive in taking each day as it comes, as I too am working at self improvement/contentment with me and my daily life. Best to you and I will keep reading....I love you

Anonymous said...

I love you sister and I am so so so proud of you. Keep living each day as it comes and know that we are all loving and supporting you through everything always.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this blog. I know how hard it is to discuss our own issues and insecurities, and I know this will be a huge help to you. In this first blog you have already addressed so many things that I have wondered about, but never knew how to ask. I am so proud of you, and I know you can do this. I am so thankful to have you in my life, and I want you to know that we are all here for you. If you need a good cry or even a person to verbally vent to know that I am always right next door.
I love you so much! Thank you for sharing this with us.